Kill the pain...Pain killer

[^] this week is
couch potato week
[^] oct 22:
jeanette's investiture
[^] oct 24: grade slip

[^] oct 25: enrollment

[^] oct 26:
jeanette's last day at school
[^] oct 27:
pagiik ng palay
[^] oct 27-30
nueva ecija

RAnDoM ThouGhts

�I realized that my life is an open book...

�Marami akong kaibigan�na pwedeng maging kaaway ano mang oras�

�I�m a jolly person�pero saksakan ako ng taray�

�Hindi ako mahirap�pero madalas wala akong pera�

�Mahilig akong lumaboy�pero tamad akong maglakad�

�Hindi ako sporty�mas gusto ko pang matulog kesa magbadminton�

�Adik ako sa kape�pero ngayon nagtitipid na ako, ang mahal eh�

�Madami akong Favorite, may favorite cousin, may favorite movie, may favorite teacher, at Iba pa, Sasabihin ko naman sayo kung close na tayo�.

�Mahilig akong magbasa, siguraduhin nyo lang na walang kinalaman sa subjects ko ha�

�Arts and crafts ang hobby ko� hindi lang alam ng karamihan sa kakilala ko�

�Nangopya�t nagpakopya rin ako nung highschool, ngayong college, gusto ko ng magbago�

�Sana makakuha agad ako ng trabaho pag ka-graduate ko�

�beautiful things have a way of hurting... i destroy when i feel hurt...

�Takot ako magmahal�.

�Hindi ako naniniwalang grades ang nagde-define kung matalino ang isang tao�

�Lahat ng babangga ay magigiba�

�I hate being prejudge�

�Ayoko sa nagmamarunong�

�I love my life�if I told you I hate it, I was lying..

�Hindi sexy ang payatot�malnourished yon�

�Nanalo nga pala ako sa essay writing ngayong college..kahit 3rd lang, kahit walang certificate, kahit walang trophy, kahit walang medal, proud parin ako, kahit di nyo napansin, at least may P500 na price pala yun.

�i do not fear death nor pain... what i fear is being caged...

�Kung sa tingin mo maganda ang babaeng rebonded ang buhok, you've been brain washed by the media.

�Wag mong problemahin ang problema�magkaka-pimples ka�
�I collect chopsticks�regaluhan mo ako kung gusto mo.

�Mahilig ako sa Cadbury�

�Lahat ng favorite ko ay �chocolate mousse��cake, ice cream, chocolate bar, basta chocolate mousse..yun na yon�

�Wag mo akong hawakan�bawal�

�Tawa lang kahit masakit na�

�hindi madaling maging totoong christiano...pero madaming relihiyoso..

�wag kang maniniwala sa taong nagsabi ng "trust me"...

�if somebody's destroying you, it doesnt mean you have to destroy them too...you just wait and see...hindi natutulog ang Diyos...

�pag sinabi kong ayaw ko sayo, ayaw ko talaga sayo...pero hindi ibig sabihin nito, na hindi ko kaya pag-aralang magustuhan ka...

�i still have faith that somebody's out there somewhere, loving me, guiding me, and he will wipe my tears away... someday...we will see each other, he will never let me go...

<<>>

current lurkers online



Message

-you ought to know

� Name: Jennifer Ellaine Sierra Trinidad
� A.K.A.: Jest
� Status: Taken for granted
� Birthday: 2nd of December 1986
� Location: Corrupted Caloocan

� Studies at Colegio de San Juan de Letran
� 3rd year � Entrepreneurship

- -my silly wants

� I wanna have wings and fly�
� I wanna dance on the moon�
� I wanna be an anim�
� I wanna watch a lightning closely�
� I wanna lie down on the clouds�..
� I wanna hold a star in my hands�

- - my life

�Im the eldest of my mom�s two kids but the 5th of my dad�s. Well, sort of, pwede rin akong pang 4th in another sense. (sighs)

�Nope, my life isn�t that complicated. I�d like to keep it simple. (This is a lie)

� I am single yet reserved. I don�t have a boyfriend, but don�t bother ask me out just because I�m pretty. (ang kapal) Or if you feel you can make use of me in any way. (I hate users) Or if you�re trying to recover from a lost love (ano ako substitute?) Thanks but no thanks�I'm happy now...

�Im a diligent student (half true, half lie). I love my blockmates, at least most of the time. I chose to major entrepreneurship because I believe no employee will ever get rich. Not that I�m greedy, only I have dreams for my family.

�I adore my barkada, STILBO. Hannah, Noemi, Richard, and Reuben. We have our shares of happy and devastating moments� I�ll treasure them forever. I still love these guys though we don�t have time for each other now a days�I miss you guys�

�I love my dad, my mom, my sister, my other sisters, and my other brothers� only I cannot show it� (I don�t know how to�)

mukha ko
|| rakistang kikay
|| emo daw
|| tired-"ness"
|| *miss ko na si ____*
|| oh christmas tree...
|| mmm...pacute lang
|| debut ko
|| my guitar, my feet, and my teddy bear!
|| face kung face
|| big hug
|| listens attentively
|| eto medyo matino

mukha naten
|| besprens
|| besprens ulit
|| noemi and me (debut nya)
|| pinoysaints
|| elem besprens
|| elem mini reunion
|| elem mini reunion shot 2
|| elem mini reunion shot 3

ishkul bukul
|| 1st year pa ko nyan (teatro)
|| isa pang pose
|| campus kada on my debut
|| my blockmates sings "we'll be"
|| co-student assistants at enchanted kingdom
|| first year pa kame nyan
|| neoprint
|| dance

capilla
|| sa benguet, survivor camp 2004
|| survivor camp ulit
|| kamay dances for me (debut ko)
|| kamay at diamond hotel
|| that's me dancing at diamond hotel
|| reuben tribe (my tribe) survivor camp
|| my bible study group

LA familia trinidad
|| father mother sisters
|| la familia trinidad
|| SiS!
|| mommy and jeanette
|| kain lang ng kain
|| open na yang gifts!
|| family pic ulit (newyr)
|| tres marias
|| mommy
|| kwela kunyari
|| kami ulit (last na promise �)
|| debut ko me and my sis...wacky daw
|| debut ko me and my sis ulet..(matino na to)
|| wacky daw kunyari
|| me n my dad
|| sweet namen no
|| sisters
|| wacky nanaman

kada pics
|| favorite stilbo pic
|| isa pa
|| quatro marias
|| emote daw
|| stilbo! *missing 1 member*
|| under water pic hahaha!
|| stilbo pic *missing one member parin*
|| church reconstruction (workers daw)
|| nice one �
|| uhh...okei?..
|| group pic! at pearl manila hotel

Jessie (hehehe)
|| ang ganda namen no
|| jessie
|| lets dance
|| nope di kame naka drugs
|| yakapsul?
|| lie down
|| shy type

from latest to oldest

|^| faking
|^| the could be "future" in laws, my love, and my stupidity |^| secret
|^| love letter for his mom
|^| debut ko
|^| ishkeyting and marathon
|^| P-A-W
|^| developing hatred
|^| underconsturction
|^| summer slam 5
|^| confusion
|^| bago part 2
|^| anu na
|^| ar en dabalyus
|^| bago part 1
|^| hell week
|^| procrastinating
|^| rock aid...salaysay
|^| damned tired
|^| sisfire and marlboro
|^| valentine nightmare
|^| valentines day... darn...
|^| picture picture lang
|^| ikalawang yugto ng best friends
|^| unang yugto ng best friends
|^| stone age since last entry
|^| 8 days to go 18 na ako
|^| ano ng nangyayari sa buhay ko?
|^| bummer weekdays
|^| zombie on the loose
|^| not sleeping
|^| poetic jessie
|^| new layout!
|^| escape
|^| rakistang kikay
|^| picture picture
|^| logged
|^| 30 days
|^| suspended
|^| beggining to be poetic
|^| updated at last
|^| u-k (ukay) **the unpublished now published entry
|^| how do i feel?
|^| its raining while the sun is up
|^| oh gee...
|^| my one and only you
|^| is it confusing?
|^| addicted
|^| im late
|^| i finally got this pulled together

blogmates

Hannee
yum-yum
lorilei
lady moja
-=joel=-
jo
kukote ni marhgil
lithium gray
a moon's dream
kaiganda's point_blank
starrfish
khayztee
stardust

supports

-link nyo po ako �

Wednesday, March 01, 2006

matagal tagal ko naring inabando ang blog nato

currently contemplating if i should make another blog. if in case i do. wont tell it to anyone. Just, well... find me....

creative juices squeezed at 7:46 am by jest
| ease my pain |

Friday, October 28, 2005

Lahat ng Visitors at nag tag sa tag board read this!!!

May away sa blog ko!

WAAAAHHH!!!!

Ok this is really weird. Bakit may nag aaway sa blog ko? Basilik and Basilik�I� Guys guys! keep your cool! Ano ba problema nyu? Ate lorie pinapansin naman kita ha??? Wag mo ako awayin.

To ate leigh: Hoy pinsan pinapansin naman kita ha? Ano ba pinagsasasabi mo?! Hehe. Ganyan ba pag stress? Kamusta na exam mo? Nga pala ok na ba yung computer shop nyo? W0w sarap buhay 24/7 online!

To lady in love: ikaw din ba si ate leigh o ibang pinsan ka pa??? *kamut ulo* bwahahha! Sorry ka, nag pa dsl na kame! Bwahahha (tawa ng kontrabida). Nung Wednesday dumating na si Ate na DSL employee! Yippee! Hello DSL, Adios Dial up!

To mr Basilik�I�:

Although I have a feeling who mr. Basilik�I� is, pwede po sana wag kang mang away ng visitor ng blog ko. Basilik is a regular blog visitor. Tapos ka kulitan ko sya sa tag board. Nung hindi na ako nakakapag net, bumibisita parin sya sa blog ko, and so, nag tag ako sa kanya na sa sem break kukulitin ko blog nya. Ang project no.1 ko is to flood his tag board which I already did a few days ago. So kung nakikipag asaran si Basilik sa tag board ko, sana po ay wag mong masamain. Thanks anyway sa pag tatanggol. It was very much appreciated�

"aahh love mo ko talaga�

To the others: maraming salamat sa inyong pag bisita...

PAUNAWA SA LAHAT!!!!Utang na loob wag po tayung mag mura sa tag board ko. At sana po walang F**K *O* ang dating ng letters. Please lang kaze nakakapangit ng tag board. Ayoko naman burahin ang message nyo (although I can) kaze nakakabastos yun on your part. So sana po bago tayu mag salita alamin muna natin ang pangyayari. Tandaan nyu. Pinapatunayan nyu lang kung gano kababa ang lebel ng pagkatao nyo sa mga salitang binibitawan nyu. Ok ba!?? PEACE PARA SA LAHAT. At isang malutong na apir!

PS: MR. Basilik�I� binibigyan kita ng pagkakataong mag paliwanag. SImulan mo sa pag sasabi sakin kung sino ka. Because if you are who I think you might be, you know i hate...

To mr. Basilik:

Mr basilik ng basilik.blogdrive.com maraming salamat sa pag bisita. Kung nakukulitan ka na, all you need to say is �nakukulitan na ko, stop na ha?� Yun lang and I�ll leave you alone. Dude di ako nakikipag-away sayu ha. Peace. Wag lang masyadong bayolente mga message sa tag board, na-aapektuhan yung mga nagmamahal sakin kala nila inaaway mo ako. Apir.

Brain talks:
Ayoko sa sinungaling.
At lalong ayaw ko sa war freak.

...wag kayung mag isip na hindi ko binasa ang tag nyu dahil hindi ako nag tag back. Malamang in-open ko rin ang blog nyo at nag tag back. Kung hindi ako nag tag back. Malamang in-open ko rin ang blog nyo at nag tag back. Kung hindi ako nakapag tag back nabuksan ko parin yun kaya lang malamang nag to-topak ang DIAL UP kong magaling kaya hindi nag load ang tag board nyu. O sya! Isang apir para sa inyo.

LIES!!!

So cut the chase and tell me kung ikaw nga yun. YOU HAVE 2 DAYS. Or else ako na mismo ang magtatanong and be sure pag ako na ang nagtanong eh aamin ka.

UMAMIN KA NA. PATI BA NAMAN TO PAG AAWAYAN PA NATIN????

creative juices squeezed at 2:33 am by jest
3 killed the pain

Sunday, October 23, 2005

lag ang isp

Nakakinis ang ganitong feeling. gusto kong mag laro ng rose pero lag ang isp. Grrrrr. Ang hirap ng dial up. nakaka-inis. sana mag pa dsl na kame. Haaayy.... Tapos, kahit mag surf ka lang, lag parin. Hmph talaga! laging page cannot be displayed. At hindi lang yun. pahirapan pa mag connect minsan 21kbps lang ang connection mo! Grrrr! hay na ko disconnect na muna ako bago pa ako mainis ng Todo. Meron pa naman ako ngayun. Hmph!

hmmmpph!! gusto ko mag net! kaasar na ISP yan!!!!

creative juices squeezed at 5:02 pm by jest
1 killed the pain

Friday, October 21, 2005

"Hannee" (Stilbo:part 1)

best friends... dont need to talk... they just smile

I thought maybe it�s about time I talk about my barkada� First stop. Hannah.

Hannah� We call her hannee. Hannah Esther Petrache. She�s my best friend. I love her a lot. She knows all my fears and all the things I like most. But we�re not like the way we used to be.

First, she got her car. Then she graduated. Then she moved to Laguna. Now she�s working at Hallmark� What�s next? I dunno, I don�t even see her anymore.

Come to think of it. I cried numerous times in front of her. I told her my deepest secrets. When I�m depressed I call her. But hey, she never shed a tear when we talk. I mean, she didn�t come to a point wherein she cried on to my shoulder. In fact, sometimes, I think she doesn�t need my shoulder. Not that I�m saying that her life is perfect and all that. It�s just that, I don�t feel like she needs me. I feel like I�m no best friend after all.

Don�t get me wrong I�m not starting to hate her.

Though we don�t see each other anymore we don�t loose communication. There�s YM, and messages before I lost my phone. We eat out a couple of times. But I don�t feel the same weight of friendship we had before.

I miss her. She�s really cool. She thinks she�s fat. In fact she�s not. She�s super sipag mag-aral. She�s pretty. She doesn�t get angry. NO SHE�S NOT A MAN HATER. She writes well. I like her. A good listener. I really miss her.

creative juices squeezed at 11:48 pm by jest
| ease my pain |

Wednesday, October 19, 2005

Nope I�m not stealing him

healthy smiles... healthy friendship... plain and pure friendship
It all happened at Philam Auditorium...
At least we both look pretty at this picture.

I don�t know what�s going on inside her brain. To think that we�re cousins. Why on earth will I steal her boyfriend??? OH yeah. I almost forgot. �her EX-boyfriend. Alright alright. Maybe that�s not what she�s thinking�

I was fixing my laptop in front of the stage at Philam life auditorium. There were only five of us left. I think. Kuya tophie approached me. Told me to write the pictures at his CD right then and there. So I did it. Then he came. Shake hands.

�Hoy pare��

�Oi pareng ****** galing mo kanina ha�

�hehe di naman�

�kaya lang nagtatago ka sa likod ni pareng tophie�

�shy ako eh�

�haha, ugok�

Then, he stayed there for a while. Kuya tophie changed his shirt. There were only three of us left. Then he told us that he�s going. �sunod na lang kayo� We were both hesitant and of course at first I tried to choo him away.Pero naawa yata sakin dahil ako nlang mag isa sa buong Philam Auditorium kaya sinamahan nlng ako. Then my cousin came in. Straight faced. He gave the jollibee food stub to him and walked away. Not talking to anyone of us. If I could just say �Hello what�s your problem?� I could�ve. But hey� I�m not losing my temper. She�s been like that to us for a couple of times now.

I don�t know what she�s thinking. But I�m definitely not stealing her ex-boyfriend. Kuya ****** once told me that he doesn�t like the relationship anymore, and that he thinks there�s not gonna be another try. At least, not now..i think. But I respect what he said. So sometimes I feel bad when my cousin acts like they are still a couple. More badly, when Kuya ******is trapped in a situation wherein he has to make �suyo� my cousin because she�s like angry or nagtatampo. I don�t know. And I don�t want to care anymore.

It�s just sad because she acts like that--- not talking to him or me when were together, or acting really weird. --- It�s sad because I want to keep myself away from him. Just to avoid the situation. I feel like our friendship is in jeopardy. Sayang. I like him a lot.

creative juices squeezed at 11:34 pm by jest
| ease my pain |

Monday, October 17, 2005

out with highschool friends

lorena, myself, and meilyn.... suprisingly, still together after all these years..

It�s been ages since I last saw these guys, although Lorena drops by once in a while. I had fun. Surprisingly, the fun I lacked this past few weeks. Then I thought, maybe the fact that we�ve been away from each other for so long assures me that I can be my another self when with them. I�m free to be any �jest� I want to be. I can be jolly and weird and whatever�

...because they don�t know me anymore. They don�t know what my life is going through right now.

So anyway... How did this old friends night out come to happen? First I logged on my YM account hoping to invite someone to my church�s event at Philam auditorium on Sunday. Then, Lorena was online. I invited her and we talked about other things then she told me we should go out sometime. Then, I told her how about we go grab something to eat right now.

Then that started it.

She picked me up. We stayed several minutes at home. Went to Malabon City Square to buy jollibee stuffs for her dad. We stayed at her house for several minutes also. Drived to pick Meilyn up. Snatched her from the computer shop. Went to SM north edsa. Bought chowking stuff (take out). Went back to the parking area. And ate dinner inside Lorena�s crosswind. Weird. Then we don�t know how the wind turned but we were suddenly at Roxas blvd. It was Meilyn�s idea.

It was fun really.

creative juices squeezed at 12:10 am by jest
| ease my pain |

Saturday, October 15, 2005

Akap

Baka nga kaya ako ganito kaze kulang ako sa akap.

Nagtatanong bakit mahirap sumabay sa agos ng iyong mundo

Nagtataka simple lang naman sana ang buhay kung ikay matino

Sabihin sakin lahat ng lihim mo

Iingatan ko

Ibaling sakin ang problema mo

Kakayanin ko

Hirap na akong sumabay sa agos ng mundo. Hindi ko na kaya yung makisama sa mga taong wala ng ibang ginawa kundi saktan lang ako. Simple lang ang buhay kung matino kayo sa pakikitungo sakin.

Pero hindi. Pare pareho lang tayung nagsasakitan

kailangan itago ng mga ngiti ang bumabalot na kalungkutan

.
Kailangan ko ng taong masasabihan ng lahat ng lihim ko. Yung taong iingatan lahat to. Kailangan ko ng pagbabalingan ng problema, yung kakayanin kahit gano ka grabe na ang toyo ko. Yung hindi ako tatalikuran. Yung nakakaramdam ng pangangailangan ko.

Sabi nga sa �angel of mine�� when I lost all hope�you showed me love.

I need that person right now. I�m losing all my hope�. Can somebody please show me love?

Hindi ako nag final exams kahapon. 6 out of 8 subjects ang hindi ko nakuhaan ng final exams. I�ll be dead. Hindi ko kayang magisip. Kung nagtake ako ng exam nangopya lng ako ng nangopya. Buti pang hindi nalang ako nag take ng exams.

I need somebody to cheer me up. Take me away from this all, please?

creative juices squeezed at 1:14 pm by jest
1 killed the pain

Friday, October 14, 2005

speak to me

Something is happening to me. Am I evil? I don�t know.

Stressed? Maybe.

Tired? Probably.

Sick. Of my life, yeah.

I just wanna be happy.

I just want to be back to my old me...

For days know I�m having dreams. Nightmares actually. One time it was about snakes. I feel suffocated because snakes were all around me. The next night I dreamt that my feet were full of bubog.

Big ones to small ones.Sharp ones. And my nightmare just goes on and on and on it doesn�t stop.

I love him, but I don�t know what�s happening to me every single thing he does wrong just triggers my anger.

Sometimes there�s no need to fuss about it but my anger just wins over me. I know it�s not his fault. Partly maybe, my emotions getting all mixed up.

I was stuck in front of the television for weeks. I don�t want to move a muscle.

I just wanna practice gluttony and be a couch potato. I don�t want to go to school. I don�t want to do anything. I�m so stuck up.

Just 20 mins ago I got into a fight with my Mom. Great. She�s so angry and disappointed. She even cried out of desperation. Am I that bad??? My dad said �grabe napapaiyak mo mommy mo, ibig sabihin ganun ka kabastos�. Yeah, baka nga ganun ako kabastos.

Shit. Life is full of shit. I don�t know how I can deal with this. I thought I was doing okay.

Fuck, I was wrong.

creative juices squeezed at 11:14 am by jest
| ease my pain |